Sunday, 26 October 2008

River Cottage


I quite like Hugh Fernley Witlessbastard.

I’ve been watching his stuff ever since he decided to travel round the UK eating roadkill and women’s placentas. He seems to me to be honest, reliable, a laugh and not doing any harm. Whilst he can get a bit Righteous (copyright LegIron), ultimately, the choice is up to me whether I decide to eat an organic chicken or a £1.99 avian abortion from Tescos.

What I do like is that he ultimately wants YOU to responsible for what you eat, whereas every other cunt in any position of power from Fat Tongue Oliver with his school meals and trying to indoctrinate fat stupid northerners not to live on a diet of pot noodles and fried lard to Gordon Browns “eat up all your greens” initiatives all want you do exactly as they say.

I also like the idea of spotting edible stuff around you. Since I have been watching his stuff, I have bought a rifle, been crabbing with the kids, caught mackerel with the kids (and a seagull, another story) and Farqham Hall now has three resident chickens (Felicity, Sally Jigzoid and Umdabanigi Sithole) to show the kids that eggs come out of chickens arses and animals need to be looked after if they are going to thrive.

There’s something very plain and simple about producing food that you eat. It warms my cockles and if Farqham Hall was larger, I’d own a pig. Instead, I sponsor a pig called Mohammed which will be sent to me when it is big enough and I will eat it.

So I read with amusement an article by AA Gill in the Times today that calls Hugh a cunt.


“Self-sufficiency is not an admirable goal, it’s small-minded, selfish, mean, mistrustful and ultimately fascist. It ends up with people waving shotguns at strangers over their garden gates.”



What do you reckon? The fact HFW went to Eton makes it all the more amusing. I don’t care what you eat, in fact, the sooner fat cunts eat themselves to death, the better, but I have to say, his recipes are fucking ace.


I think he is a mentalist of the good type. More like him please.

22 comments:

TheFatBigot said...

"I don’t care what you eat, in fact, the sooner fat cunts eat themselves to death, the better"

I'll overlook that bit.

Mitch said...

Where can I sponsor said pig? as them fuckers say "every little helps"

Old Holborn said...

At the risk of them being attacked by mad mullahs

www.eatbabe.co.uk

The Beast Of Clerkenwell said...

The Beast spent many months teaching himself how to make a proper curry with ahelp from a book by Pat Chapman (reccommended) and my newsagent (beer supplers)s wife, she a great cook
One morning during a low time in my life, I was buying beer at 9 am rather than my normal 9:30 AM and caught David Soul of Starsky &Hutch fame downing a curry with the staff , "The cooler, great idea" so it was beer and curry all around.
I like Hindus

elby and kilod said...

"It ends up with people waving shotguns at strangers over their garden gates."

Quite right Mr Gill, welcome to Somerset!

We are happy to extend this courtesy to well known journalists.

Wyrdtimes said...

That's AA Gill for you. Grade AA English hating toffee nosed cunt.

haddock said...

you got it wrong OH, he's a cunt.... and people around Bridport and Axminster think he's one too. He tries the 'don't you know who I am line'.... to which the stout Dorset Yeomen reply, OOOh arr, we know ooo you be.... you'm a cunt.
He pretends to be an experienced angler... he casts and holds a fishing rod like a big girl. I wrote a piece about him a while back
http://haddock-somethingfishy.blogspot.com/2008_01_01_archive.html

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Ndabaningi Sithole, yacunt.

electro-kevin said...

I grew my own potatoes this year.

All five of them.

the hitman said...

I shoot all my main food O.H.
pain in the arse these days, people report you for having a gun, I have more than one, must have had double figure complaints this year, local police still have to make a home visit to check paper work, and check guns are in three parts, and safe locked.

that reminds me, I must get a smaller gun for shooting rabbits, poor little fuckers get spread.

Leg-iron said...

Roadkill can be pretty good if you get to it before the crows. Sometimes, around here, it's pheasant or partridge.

As for growing your own, well, spuds are cheap and involve far too much digging. Fruit is easier. Strawberries, raspberries and the like. Rhubarb is a doddle.

I have a plum tree, two years old, and still plumless. It hasn't even flowered yet. I'm disappointed because I've really been looking forward to leering over that fence at my neighbour and saying 'Hey. want to come over and suck my plums?' I expect she'll call the police again.

If it doesn't grow any next year I'll buy some and stick them on just so I can use all the plum jokes.

Hitman - best get used to it. People report you to the police if you're in possession of a cigarette these days. There are licences planned for those too.

Anonymous said...

I like the way HFW manages to slip in a reference about his latest book/business venture in every episode, but worst of all he's ispired loads of stressed out sloans have moved into my manor, all organic save the enviroment types with manky bags of apples up for sale, 15 for a quid (maggots included).
Shame they still need a Range Rover and 42 foreign holidays a year though.

Tomrat said...

OH,

Love HFW despite wanting to punch him occasionally when he talks - dislike seafood in practice but even he made crabs look tasty.

AA Gill is a prat of the highest order, a real grade AA clown shoe.

Am looking at the eatbabe website link now...am seriously considering doing that...probably not got enough room in the fridge though...

Nancy's stout said...

With OH on this. HFW does far more good than harm, he has an ability to annoy but who the hell doesn't. I like his attitude to food, I'm not interested in inviting him to supper to become my best mate.

Enoch Thatcher said...

I like HFW always enjoy his programs but I wish he'd fuck off with his - we must eat free range chicken bollox - 2 for a fiver tesco chucks do very nicely for my vindaloos thank you. Also he must realise that single mother chavs can't afford 40 bensons and 6 cans of stella a day AND buy free range.

He is a money grabbing git tho - just have a look at the river cottage website.

Thud said...

A.A.Gill..exjunkie and self confessed arse bandit...enough said.

Chalcedon said...

Jaysus, a pig called Mahommed. Well, you hit the funny bone there and got a real LOL.

I lone the chicken called Undabaningi Sithole too. Haven't heard that name in years. I expect he was shot.

Shirking From Home said...

Am popping down to Axminster tonight to see the folks. Will visit HFW's river cottage emporium tomorrow for some excellent mud encrusted pricey and weird shaped stuff.

russ said...

I am intrigued, where did Umdabanigi Sithole come from? I have used the name for years and thought it was a product of my own fertile imagination, obviously not...
greta blog

Anonymous said...

"waving shotguns at strangers over their garden gates"

From the US - as the sheeple start understanding that the Great Depression II is upon us, sales of nearly all consumer goods have come to a screeching halt. No more SUV's, plasma TVs, boob jobs or trips to Vail. Spam sales are hitting their highest point since WWII and, if you like to eat canned pork fat, you'll be pleased as shit to hear that.

Other than Spam, the only other product that's jumping in sales is guns. Why? Because loyal Rebooblicans are reading the piss marks on the wall and figuring that their election hopes are fucked. They want to get their guns before some black liberal extremist mother-fucking Muslim president takes away their God-given right to buy an Uzi for hunting - you know, shooting quail, doves or your best friend's face.

Then there's those who figure that the economic crisis is going to devolve into fang and claw survival of the fittest and they need a bazooka or two to defend the home turf. An 1100 square foot piece of shit that sold for $450,000 in 2005 that can't be given away for $100,000 today.

If I could scrape together the scratch I'd show up on Wednesday, already voted after all, and walk with ya'll to Parliament.

CathyG

ThousandsOfMilesAway said...

Yep, he's one of the good guys to be sure.

Surprised at Adrian - this reminds me a little of Julie Burchill when she starts ranting on about how great tesco is.

Spending decent amounts on food and/or growing your own is a sign of healthy darwinian self-interest.

You eat shite if you want to, I'll have the good stuff, thanks.

Billy Blofeld said...

Whittingstall is definitely one of the good guys.

Landshare and inspiring people to do something for themselves and their communities is a million times better than those wank government plasticine character adverts telling you what to eat.

I can recommend these River Cottage books on fishing......

How to catch em....

How to cook em...

I'm still after a Sea Bass - no luck - just caught an old tea bag last time I was out.....

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