Friday, 3 October 2008

Marcus Brigstock. Cunt

An unfunny cunt, celebrating yet more hand outs of my money from the bastard BBC

Why do I do it? Why do I continue to send my blood pressure soaring?

I’ve just been prodding around in cyberspace and found out that the BBC’s favourite lickspittle, Marcus Brigstock, the most unfunny man rimming the BBC’s arse since Lenny Henry, is doing something very, very special at the moment.

He is on a boat, funded by me (via the Arts Council) on it’s way to the Arctic Circle to “highlight” global warming. That alone is funny. IT would be even funnier if the fucker caught fire and sank.

The “expedition” is called Cape Farewell and it’s purpose is ~(hang on, I need to get this right):

Climate change is caused by the way we choose to live in our urban environment and a cultural shift of values could stabilise what is potentially a dangerous situation. The Cape Farewell voyagers have created provocative and compelling art, words and music that aim to inspire a response to this cultural challenge

Finished laughing yet? It gets better. Have a look at who is on the boat:



No longer are the eco idiots happy trying to tell me to stop driving my car, they have now taken to using utter fuckwits to ram this shit down my throat

I mean, they’ve sent a CHOREOGRAPHER on the trip

Siobhan Davies joined Cape Farewell on the 2005 Art/Science Expedition. Accustomed through her profession to using her body expressively,she found expression in the sub-zero temperatures of the High Arctic severely limited in nature and range. Her attention centred on her bones, skin, breath; the fragility of her material body versus the effort and basic purpose behind her every movement.
Back home in London Siobhan quickly formed the idea for a work that would embody some of the primal emotions and rational thoughts the journey had evoked for her. Working with fashion designer Jonathan Saunders, she created a projection,
Endangered Species, in which a small,semi-human figure dances gracefully inside a museum display case, her movements exaggerated by a costume of long bending rods that increase in number as her dance progresses. While at first they liberate her by extending the boundaries of her body, the many rods eventually restrict and finally extinguish her small life form.

I’m fucking paying for this.

William Hunt's performance, Earth, Wind and Fire, was shown at the Westwerk gallery in 2007 as part of the Art and Climate Change exhibitoin series in Hamburg. For this exciting new commission William employed garden patio furniture; the patio heater, waterbutt, washing line and decking, creating a situation in which the body is at the mercy of earth, wind and fire. The work was also shown at Cape Farewell's Late Night Friday at Whitechapel - a night of new songs,performances, artworks and information prompted by the urgency of climate change.
William's endurance related performances involve a degree of musical performativity played out under some situation of physical duress; hanging upside down, spinning on a turntable and most recently under water.
Put Your Foot Down, 2006, saw a black BMW turned into a make shift aquarium. William filled the car with water, climbed into the driver's seat and taking deep gulps from an oxygen tank and sang out on exhalation. Narrative, set up through song is frustrated by physical restraints, evoking feelings of threat, danger and self-destruction. Hunt places himself at the centre of a sculptural tableaux and enacts a relentless, endless return to absurdity, mindful of the futility of grand gestures yet bound to show off

I give up. There is no more barrel to scrape.

I want to find out how much of my money is being wasted sending a fucking tribe of Islington Clitterarti to the Arctic and I want to find out how much extra it would cost for them to stay there forever.

Marcus, I hope you get frostbite on your face and it falls off. Now THAT would be funny. I hope you get eaten by a polar bear. Cunt.


Anonymous said...

Deep breaths Holborn, you may pop a gasket.

You need to express yourself more through an artistic medium.



Leg-iron said...

They took that lot to the Arctic and then brought them back? What a wasted opportunity.

I looked up Marcus Brigstock on YouTube. You're right. He is a cunt.

I hope he falls into a glacier and emerges in ten thousand years, still insisting the world is warming up as he rolls over Birmingham.

Paul said...

No, what they should have done is sent them there without clothes. And then thrown them overboard. With a Japanese TV crew if anyone asks - they like their cruel japes and no-one would be the wiser.

Goodnight Vienna said...

And here was I thinking that I alone thought Brigstock is an arrogant twat. That must make me almost as deluded as the Brigstock himself. Thanks OH for pointing out this unfunny & useless pile of shit.

Lilith said...

OMG what a bunch of lovies! The whole site should be in pseuds corner. All those weird egos in the snow..I predict they will eat each other and Ian McEwan will write about it.

Elby The Beserk said...

.. and win the Booker Prize...

ShirkingFromHome said...

What a fucking cunt.

dick the prick said...

Kinda liked the dude in a barrel - maybe just dreaming of sitting in a barrel of booze - not that crap me laddo's up to.

Old Holborn said...

It's Llama spunk.

dick the prick said...

WTF? Genuinely? That's Llama jizz? Fuck it - you got to pay out for that? That poor fucking Llama with a baloon knob - frame that Hirst!

Sir Henry Morgan said...

Can't someone persuade them it'd be a good idea to go and do something ... er ... artistically profound? ... off the coast of Somalia?

Old Holborn said...

No funding Sir Henry.

whereas, mention climate change even if you believe "it is changing our urban culture (wtf?)" and some cunt with his hands on public funds will appear from behind a bush.

I may kick up a storm that:

a: Ethnic Diversity was not sufficiently represented
b: the gay community were not consulted
c: Icebergs are not adapted for wheelchair access
d: The Stephen Lawrence/De Menezes families have made no comment.

Guthrum said...

Philistine !

idle said...

Agreed that Brigstocke is unfunny, and a cunt.

But I'll raise you a Mark Steele, who is the leader in the clubhouse for desperate leftist comics. He should be flayed and soaked in vinegar, monthly.

Anonymous said...

Cant these cunts be sewn into sacks and thrown into the Artic ocean ? Now that might be worth the licence fee.

geewiz said...

I'm such a twat. All these years of me believing in a hard days work. Sheeeit, I should have proclaimed myself an 'artist' and told everyone that they were inferior humans if they didn't like my 'art' Then I could have gone on poncy trips all over the world weeeheee what fun!

*apologies to truly talented artists*

electro-kevin said...

Oh for a return to times when entertainers didn't feel the need to become global super-heroes.

The credit crunch should wipe out any waste then - but they'll still use Beeboids to push the argument that we need more tax and control.

A mass refusal to pay licence fee is what is needed. Who can organise this so that individuals aren't victimised ?

max the impaler said...

I know a Russian with a submarine for hire.Comes with some torps in the tubes.

mitch said...

He is the only cunt who can make me turn HIGNFY off he is so smug, shit and most importantly as funny as blood in your toilet bowl.

Bill Quango MP said...

Idle .. Mr Steele has been very unwell.
He has a had something of a Damascus moment when he reflected that his dedication to socialism has only managed to bring about Gordon Brown and Tony Blair.

"Mark Steel began to think the unthinkable I really want to belong to this rabble anymore? "

I haven't read it but its half price on amazon.

Tuscan Tony said...

He looks like he's bathing in white chocolate. I want to do that.

Can't we get Gordie-pickhead to with them "every success" or somesuch, and have them sunk by Clive Cussler raising the Titanic under them?

Old Holborn said...

Il Tony,

It's Llama spunk.

Still up for it?

Imagine a rubber dinghy with Lenny Henry, Marcus, Mark Steele, Ben Elton, Jonathon Woss, Mark Lemarr et al.

Imagine it sinking. In shark infested waters. Phil Jupitas is first I reckon.

Golden Virginia said...

Brigstocke? Usually irritating but he did a great rant on Religion

I'm sure Clegg, McEwan and Gormley did this trip into the Arctic a couple of years ago although it was for Art then not climate change.

AngryDave said...

I wish the fucking tree hugging hippy cunts would do something useful and choke on something.
Then there would be less wastage of the earths oxygen on these self promoting, lentil eating twunt freaks. And, another point, if all the vegitarians stopped eating the envirnment there would be more of it.

Rog said...

One Spearfish could cause so much happiness.

We can only dream...

Oswald Bastable said...

What is it with some people, that you take one look at them and want to smack them in the face?

It's just something you NEED to do!

Henry Crun said...

idle, I'll see your Mark Steele and raise you a Jeremy Hardy.

Daniel Gruby said...

Crun wins.

Next deal?

Anonymous said...

I've created an "I hate Marcus Brigstocke" group on Facebook. Please join.

Nigel said...

Hi Holby,
I love your anger it has such great energy, I would love to use some quotes from your article as part of an alternative artistic installation at the Wind on Fire Gallery in Islington, it will involve a 112 leaping deer dancing to Michael Jackson songs whilst blind children throw paint around. It's being filmed as a part of the BBC's 'Nuts on the road' season.
your truly Nigel F

Anonymous said...

That's not fair - cunts are attractive, useful and fun.

None of these can be attributed to the shit that is Marcus Brickstocke.

As funny as a vasectomy without anaesthetic.

Anonymous said...

Goodness, what vitriol!

But I am genuinely curious: why the blanket assault on 'artistic' or 'leftist' individuality? Do you really know enough about these people's work to judge them so universally useless?

I find myself torn between agreeing that this seems to be an exercise in chin fondling, and not wanting to resort to such blunt reactionary ignorance as to calls 'them' all 'cunts'.

Perhaps some (if not all) of these people have had to make difficult individualist choices, rather than resorting without thought to a proscribed life.

From what I understand, your site is about encouraging individualism and promoting considered thought, but it seems as if your existing hatred (is that right? it seems to be an accurate description) of Marcus Brigstocke has led you into a knee jerk reaction against self expression.

You should try some yoga, or deep breathing maybe.

Anonymous said...

that yoga thing was a joke, btw.

Little Black Sambo said...

"...why the blanket assault..."
Didn't you notice? WE are paying for it.

Sansepolcro Frank said...

What can you expect when the maniacs are allowed to run the asylum. Yes, I do mean the Arts Council (excellent candidate for closure to save cash) and the BBC (excellent candidate for halving the fee with a compulsory halving of all salaries of £100K+). What a load of complete tossers.

joescotious said...

there is no more wonderous sight than a lefty luvvie on the make

Nemo said...


I don't normally see the words 'leftist' and 'individuality' in the same sentence without the word 'not' somewhere in between.

You're right about Brigstocke having to make 'difficult individualist choices' though. He is a victim - of an eating disorder; you and I might recognise it as "pie retention" or "fat cunt disorder". His difficult choice was whether he should stuff himself with cakes or with burgers.

The fuck even makes jokes about it - he worked it in to the kid's program "I'm sorry I've got no head" as a regular routine.

Anonymous said...

I was writing about the cunt-faced unfunny twat Brigstock today and wondered if anybody else shared my thoughts on the gobshite...I came on here and had a good laugh..I thank you!

Anonymous said...

I remember him on Watchdog and have wondered ever since how he got to be in the position he is in.

Its the same old BBC old boys club- I went to public school and therefore having wiped the arses of cambridge footlights connections list Im entitled to be considered as funny and leech off taxpayers for while then slowly move to elitist radio 4 programs belittling the country majority on some 1920s style aristocracy snootery fest.
In Marcus's favour though he would play an excellent Frankensteins monster , just needs the bolts.


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