Thursday, 9 October 2008

Comrade Bank Manager

High Supreme Chancellor Overlord of Banks, Comrade Brown, inspecting the Holborn branch of Barclovskiloyd Peoples Bank yesterday

“Good Morning Mr Bank Manager”

“Actually, it’s Good Morning Comrade Bank Manager”

“Oh, right. I’d like a loan please”

“Really? What for?”

“Well, the kids are growing like bastard Lleylandii and I need a loft extension”

“Ah good. We like to help ‘hard working families’. Tell me, what do you do for a living? “

“I’m a lorry driver. I work for myself. I bought the truck three years ago”

“Really. So you are an eco terrorist”


“And a capitalist”


“Do you employ any handicapped people? Lesbians? Muslims?”


“Get out. Don’t expect the Peoples Bank of Barclovskiloyds to finance your treachery. I don’t suppose you deliver to Cuba, do you? Thought not. Nazi. I am reporting your account to the Peoples Inland Revenue for an audit and I am freezing your assets under The 2001 Anti Terrorism, Crime and Security Act. Enemy of the State, you”

Now that the Government will be controlling the banks, will they get a say in how the banks are run?

You bet. They demand it.

Will Banks be political?

You bet.

Anything that is not entirely New Labour will not be financed. Anyone who does not fit the New Labour mould (sic) will not obtain credit. Businesses that donate to anyone other than New Labour are going to find “obstacles” placed in their way.

Think I’m joking? I’m

UPDATE: Spotted this over a Guidos Place on the comments section. Too good to miss

What a crock of fucking shit.Nobody with an IQ in two figures thinks that the cretin who masquerades as our national leader ever had any idea about creating wealth or running a functioning economyWhy should they?His only "job" was giving 9 hours of history lectures at the McTavish Polytechnic for the mentally retarded

As Guido points out every twatting commentator invariably has some agenda and all we hear about is the special interest groups and their "Interests".

Here's Colonel Madds recipe

Line all the banks up and tell them they are going to get their books audited as never before,unless they agree NEVER to take a penny in Government subsidy again.

This will flush out a handful of properly managed and financed banks. Audit the rest on a basis of "complete disclosure".

No excuses, no fucking about, mandatory criminal prosecution for bankers who don't fess up. Publish a list of "sheep" and "goats" and throw all the useless mongs that don't make the grade to the dogs

Give full banking licences to other reputable commercial organisations (Marks and Spencers etc) and direct the capital being wasted on loans to the failed banks through them into the economy



Sometimes, just sometimes, you can find diamonds in piles of shit. Hat tip to Colonel Madd, who ever he may be.


fuchsia groan said...

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. No wonder Brown was laughing on that BBC news clip. The plan is going swimmingly.
As a small business person in a hideously white town I am obviously going down.

Old Holborn said...


What you need to do is get a grant. Play loud reggae, put up lots of pictures of tractors and produce your company brochures in Urdu. Preferably with a picture of a wind turbine on it.

Fucking sorted. You'll be richer than Lee Jasper.

terry b. said...

I'm confused.

Who's taking over the world, Yankee Neoconfascists or Ken Livingstone?

Bobsheadrevisited said...

Dear Comrade Brown,
Please could you fix it for me to get a loan from the bank to build a statue for our town square?

It will show a one-legged, muslim lesbian dwarf Labour voter being handed an incapacity benefit cheque by Lenny Henry dressed as a rastafarian Frank Spencer.

The statue would be 15ft high and set in solid gold.

Gordon Brownski said...

Fooking SORTED, Jimmy. Darling, ya badger faced buabie, where's ma fooking cheque book!

max the impaler said...

Thoughts for the day:
Bankers+Socialists=State Fascism.
Nationalised banks+government controlled intervention=moribund competitive banking.
'Green and fair trade business' together with the strict avoidence of nuclear and carbon based business is going to be the mantra.
All the financially prudent decisions are going to be subsumed to idealistic balls.
Lichenstein sounds good.Personally I think Switzerland is better.I am going to hang around for a while longer to see how it all plays out.Hyperinflation is only around the corner.I'm thinking of ratcheting up borrowings as per the Brownian model and letting the printing presses extinguish the debt.

Anonymous said...

Im no economist but what a fucking class idea. Tax the people enormously, give it to the banks which in turn lend it back to the people at a hugely inflated rate - This Brown guys a fucking genius !

Is this really all this cunt can come up with ? If the baloons got holes in it whats the point in just pumping in more air ?
Fucking arsehole.

Revolution Harry said...

Terry B, the answer is both. Sort of. For an idea of our future think China but with sham elections, much as we have now.

I know it's tempting to see this all this as a NeoLabour thing but it's not. The reason fellow Bilderberger George Osbourne has barely said a word is because both he and Gordon Brown answer to the same masters. None of this is by chance. All is going to plan. You can expect there to be calls, quite soon, for something like this to never be allowed to happen again. The solution proposed will be internationalist in some form because in an increasingly dependent world etc etc. We're being scammed, manipulated and the masses herded like sheep through fear and uncertainty into the 'New World Order'.

woman on a raft said...

Except for the bit about Col Madd trusting M&S, it's OK.

For ref: Stuart Rose spends most of his time poncing about with the Common Purpose types and paying for parties for 'Business in the Community' at the Royal Albert Hall. That is why M&S is going to the dogs.

As Nadine Dorries reminds us, M&S is where Paul Myners was formerly chairman. "some of us remember him as the other half of Stuart Rose, in the days when M&S failed in a way which can only be described as spectacular."

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