Saturday, 27 September 2008

Save the WORLD!

Exclusive – News from Africa

President Winston Mbeko Banana of The Peoples Republic of Umbongo today declared that he could no longer sit idly by and see a once great nation slide into anarchy, crippled by debt, over run by crime, paralysed by fear and ruled by an elitist unelected Marxist Dictator frantically trying to cling to the reins of power at a tragic cost to the people.



“I will sort out this mess. I have a duty to do. A duty to Africa to lead the way” said Winston Banana, this afternoon, whilst being force fed Zebra urine by one of Lee Jaspers girlfriends in the back of his GLC funded Rolls Royce.

His diamond encrusted Learjet landed at Heathrow this afternoon. He is expected to wrestle the Glorious Leader on a rug, naked at Number 10, in an effort to persuade him to stand down and once again allow democracy to flourish in the beleaguered State of Britistan before dining at Chequers on a menu of gently sautéed Gorilla heads and Rwandan Land Crabs.

Earlier, in an embarrassing mix up, Winston Banana was offered a job within the immigration service and child benefit forms were automatically generated for his 147 children. Meanwhile Bono, Lead singer of Me1 (formally known as Fuck You too) has also asked if he can borrow the learjet to fly his pet hamster from the East Wing of his Galway Mansion to the West wing, where the view of the starving Irish masses is better.

13 comments:

Bob said...

OH,

I saw at on the Devil that you are thinking of emigrating to Switzerland.

There are far too many Brits here already. One reason I don't generally go on about the delights of living here.

Personally I would recommend Suisse Romande (The French speaking part to the plebs). It's close to France and Italy (The alternative is Austria and Germany), a ten hour drive to Barcelona and it has a decent airport for longer trips.

I could go on all day about how much better it is here but don't really want to encourage people.

Good choice though.

Old Holborn said...

My twin brother has been in Luzern for god know how many years.

He has the overwhelming urge to scrub himself with a wire brush and dettol every time he visits the UK

electro-kevin said...

Good post. Stick it to 'em.

Fucking Swiss though. What did they do to deserve it ???

Oh yeah. Allowed Nazis to transport gold fillings to their bank vaults.

There is no justice.

Tuscan Tony said...

They're a very musical people (the Dark Continentals, not the Swiss, unless one loikes the flugelhorn and Yodelling); the Tuscan will be there (the Engadine, not the Dark Continent) permanently in the next 5 years.

Word verify: pobum - is that you working the letters, OH?

Call me Infidel said...

That made me weep with laughter you bastard!!! Oh and it's Mr. Boner to you not Bono.

Oswald Bastable said...

"President Winston Mbeko Banana of The Peoples Republic of Umbongo today declared that he could no longer sit idly by and see a once great nation slide into anarchy, crippled by debt, over run by crime, paralysed by fear and ruled by an elitist unelected Marxist Dictator frantically trying to cling to the reins of power at a tragic cost to the people."

Bugger me!- I didn't know he was running in the New Zealand elections!

electro-kevin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Old Holborn said...

Kevin, have you been at the cooking lager again?

Who is this Son of Man? I have daughters.

electro-kevin said...

And who guards the Pope ?

Yeah, that's right. The Swiss Guard.

Did you notice that Hitler was a Catholic ?

The Holy Trinity ... Swiss, Pope, Nazis. Two with a vested interest in eradicating those are accused with crucifiction of the Son of Man.

Anonymous said...

Now THAT is some funny stuff old man.

Sick bastard.

electro-kevin said...

Jesus is the Son of Man.

The Jews had to pay.

And as for the Swiss ...

... have you seen their army knives ? No wonder they were the last army to have been routed by the French. Well their multi-tool 'weapon' was never going to be surpassed was it ! Death by cork-screw.

O. Berlander said...

Be careful what you wish for. Switzerland is a highly and efficiently regulated entity, facts which may not ppeal much to so called libertarians.

Old Holborn said...

And they are, without doubt, the most boring people in Europe.

But that's OK. I hate people anyway.

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