Friday, 5 September 2008

Dear Labour Voters

Dear Labour Voters

We meet at last. It’s been 11 years and you’ve enjoyed every moment, haven’t you?

You had fuck all but weren’t happy watching others get on, so you voted for the grinning slimeball who offered you something for nothing, didn’t you? Guess who got rich? You or him?

I digress. Let’s get back to you lot. All 9 million of you. How are things? Still smiling? You’ve had 11 years to make the best of it. So let’s look at what you have achieved. All 9 million of you.

Whilst you’ve been enjoying cheap credit, the rest of us have noticed that we don’t actually own our country anymore. Whilst you’ve been enjoying hot tubs, 4x4’s, gas fired BBQ’s, nail studios, the hairdressers and trying to keep up with the Beckhams, the Magna Carta has been torn to shreds and thrown away. Whilst little Tyson has been riding around on his Argos 27.9% APR financed BMX, 900 years of British History has been shat on.

Ever wondered why you don’t have a villa in Tuscany? Ever wondered why everyone else takes holidays in the Caribbean whilst you go to Menorca?

It’s because you are thick and lazy. And along came a Party that told you being thick and lazy was no good reason for you NOT to have what they had.

You stupid, stupid cunts. Guess where Tony Blair is now? Do you think he is drawing the curtains on his two bed terraced house, full with M&S trinkets, to hide from the postman? Like you are? Do you think he wakes at 5am, shitting it that the bailiffs will be there at 11 to take away his new Nissan?

Cut to the chase. You’re up to your fucking eyes in it. £20K, £30K on the plastic? Tax credits aren’t going to help pay that are they? Overtime’s going to be cut because there’s a recession coming. Oooppps. That’s what been paying the minimum due every month, isn’t it? Whilst you’ve been buying sovereign rings, Tag Heuers and Tescos Finest to impress your parents, the party that promised you a shot at being loaded without doing anything has fucked it all up. And guess who is going to pay?

I know your parents were hard up. I know you grew up with fuck all. I know your parents couldn’t give a shit about getting you through school properly. They were too busy wife swapping or down the bingo or social. I know you laughed at your teachers.

Guess what?

You’re FUCKED. Totally, properly FUCKED. You are going to lose your houses, cars, plasmas, koi carp and Nikes. Think your parents were hard up? Just fucking wait six months. You will KNOW what a diet of pasta and ketchup tastes like. No more Dominoes Pizza in front of the Simpsons on Sky, no more Tandooris. Get your fat, lazy arses in the kitchen and fucking cook something. Your kids will hate you as their PS3’s head over to Cash Converters, your wife will hate you as you trade in her Louis Vuitton handbag and you will hate yourself when you take a carrier bag out to the car to clear the glove compartment as the bailiff waits.

I hate all 9 million of you. I wish you all the plagues of hell. I want to see the four horsemen of the apocalypse in your Next furnished living room.

In your greedy, petty little pursuit of free “stuff” you allowed MY country, MY rights and MY life to be turned over by a bunch of fucking snake oil salesman.

I hope it costs you everything, you shites. I can handle 9 million suicides, and frankly with no major wars, there’s no other way we’ll get rid of you cunts.

Fuck off and die.


Big Fat Trucker said...

My wife and I work in industries where there's never a shortage of customers: Old People and Moving Cheap Shit.

Until they start offering free cyanide, and stupid chavs stop buying unnecessary nylon arse covering, we're sorted.

Womble On Tour said...

Hope you're not taking the mickey out of the poor deranged souls who thought that smug, deceiving, lying bastard was going to improve their lives...that would be cruel...

Top 20 Libertarian blog logo is here, on Mrs Dale's site

Billy Wallace said...

I think it, but can never say it.

signed the rope maker.

Mac the Knife said...

That'll do nicely sir...

CityUnslicker said...

not bad at all

electro-kevin said...

I agree 100% but you do realise they don't jail burglars anymore, don't you ?

You do realise life has become much cheaper, don't you ?

I'm pretty apprehensive about all this but could see it all coming.

But who really will pay ?

I'll wager it's not them.

Anonymous said...

Now Dave luxury yacht dont let them shop at Selfridges Cameron is going to be the next PM we are truly cream crackered.
He will take whats left and share it with his mates.

Anonymous said...

You said it and then some!

AntiCitizenOne said...

woman on a raft said...

but weren’t happy watching others get on

Ain't it the truth.

Next, please, a letter to the people whose hearts bled all over the people in letter (1) and used that as an excuse to try to stop anybody else getting on, in a bizarre display of envy-by-proxy. Yes, Jack & Harriet, I'm looking at you.

The people in letter (1) are greedy and thick, but as they always reasonably argued, they didn't have much power despite weight of numbers.

The middle classes did, but as we saw at your school, they somehow botched it completely. They either voted for shites (not that there was a lot of choice in that regard), bred implaccable enemies such as Billy Bragg, or produced Hillary Benn and Harriet H, who, even if they were genuine in their desire to help the less-endowed, still go about it in precisely the way which guarantees that the objects of their affections will be forever locked in a box.

The Benns and the Harmans, and even the Braggs (improbable twins Melvin and Billy), seem to have come out of this last 30 years with their houses and wealth remarkably intact; how come? Billy only ever wrote about two tunes you can remember, so he ought to have been filed with 'one hit wonders'. Instead, he's like a very healthy tapeworm.

Any explanation gratefully recieved.

Rick said...

Well said. Agree with everything. It's now my turn to be a smug Bastard as the ex smug Bastards get their overpriced houses etc taken from them. Fuck them.

Eddie said...

Flipping the bird instead of flicking the v's.

Yep, we've lost our soul and the country's fucked.

Reversepsychology said...

Oh yes....

New Labour - Buy now pay later - and later has now arrived.

Perhaps the nine million didn't realise that it wasn't just their own pathetic lives that they were placing in hock - but that of our whole damned culture and Country, for that of their own pointless pleasures.

Still - Nevermind - Im sure somehow El one-eye will find a way to blame the Tories for the Countries woes.

Anonymous said...

Loved the post so much I was inspired to do the American version.


Dear Rebooblicans:

Well, it’s been 8 years and you’ve had a great up at bat, haven’t you?

Your party’s leaders and their buds on Wall Street already owned an obscene share of the nation’s wealth but that wasn’t enough so they used fear and intolerance to convince you to vote for a grinning dry drunk retarded piece of pond scum who promised you tax cuts and Jesus. And you fell for it, didn’t you? Guess who got rich? Not you.

All y’all who gave the Shrub a second term, all 62 million of you, how’s it working for you? You had 8 years to make the best of it. So let’s see what was achieved by the 62 million morons who voted against your own best interests and handed the key to the Treasury to crooks.

With the Fed rate absurdly low, the middle class was sold a bunch of toxic mortgages and the con men in the Beltway piled more national debt onto us than we can ever possibly hope to pay off. While the richest Americans porked out on Swiss bank accounts, foreign country estates, obsidian countertops, personal jets, private security, wine cellars, and Old Masters, your inability to tell debt from wealth and your frenzied efforts to keep up with the Jones’ have landed you in a financial shit pile. You were so busy buying houses, getting boob jobs and leasing cars you couldn’t afford, you probably didn’t notice that the Constitution has been used to wipe George’s ass and Dick’s dick. While your precious little Joshua was racing between his Wii, Xbox360 and 500 channel high definition super-sized plasma satellite TV, 230 years of American history has been shat upon.

Ever wonder why you don’t have a palace in Cannes? Ever wonder why Bush’s tax cut recipients go to their vacation mansions in temperate latitudes while you sweat in line at Six Flags?

It’s because you’re looooozzers!! And here came the Repugnantcans, long since bought and paid for by Wall Street, who told you it didn’t matter that you can’t read, write or think, it didn’t matter that our factories and jobs were going overseas because everyone could get rich as Rockefeller by flipping houses to each other at ever higher prices. And you bought it, you sorry-assed fools.

Guess where King George and his cronies will end up, shit for brains. Do you think for a New York minute that he’s gonna be struggling to pay the negatively amortizing note on a 2bed2bath condo that’s a cool hundred fifty thou underwater? Checking Caller ID to avoid creditors? Teaching the 5 year old to pick up the phone and say mommy’s not home now? Like you are? Do you think Georgie wakes up sweating in the middle of the night scared shitless that he’s gonna lose the car he uses to get to a demeaning dehumanizing but desperately needed job? Is his un-horsed, un-cattled ranch about to be foreclosed? His retirement fund raided?

Cut the shit and wake the fuck up. Little Ashley’s wearing Hollister but you’re up to your ass in debt - $30K, $40K, $50K on plastic and we haven’t even begun to talk about SUV, HELOC and student loans. That second job delivering pizza might help you make the minimums, but even that’s headed down the tubes once this greedy rich boy induced deflation turns to Depression and another 9 million of you end up without work and another 800,000 jobs bite the dust.

You smiled happily, grabbed your ankles and got FUCKED UP THE ASS. The punchbowl’s overturned and it’s hangover time. Get used to eating beans and rice with cans of Spam saved up for special occasions like Thanksgiving. Grow/cook your own food and don’t buy anything on credit. Pay cash for everything. If you don’t have the cash, do without. Pray really really hard that you never have an accident and never get sick because the party you elected doesn’t give a rusty fuck if medical bills ruin you.

I spit on Wall Street, Republican$ and all the sheeple who voted for them.

In your unthinking robotic adherence to right-wing, Jesus freak ideology, you elected an administration that has destroyed the economic sovereignty of the richest country in history. Who do you think’s calling the economic shots today, you fucking morons? Our creditors are, you pricks – Russia, China, Saudia Arabia own you and your spawn. Don’t you get it, yet? Your work, your taxes, and those of coming generations were sold out by Bush and Wall Street with your help. Do you think Hankie and Benny would be working overtime on this fine fall weekend figuring out how much of your tax money they’re going to spend bailing out Faddie if China wasn’t pitching a shit fit about losing the billions it invested in US mortgages? You’ll spend the rest of your life shivering in the dark and you’ll be worked like a rented mule till the day you die to pay that back.

And you’re such fucking pathetic idiots that you probably won’t even understand that you did this all to yourselves.

Anonymous said...

Oy Vey

I couldn't have put it better myself

My life already,so soon !!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous - "He will take what is left and share it with his mates"
But there is NOTHING left!
Bruin cannot afford to save the old and infirm from illness and even death this winter, and we will be back to another winter of discontent - (did you hear the BBC Radio 4 sanitized version of this event last night?) - and this country is in hock way beyond the hilt due to Nu Labor's long term PFI contracts, £billions of it.
Ask the SNP - they are finding this out - could not even make 2 major hospital car parks free to patients and visitors due to PFI contracts.

fewqwer said...

Great post Holborn, though it could use a bit more swearing.

Anonymous said...

You're right in many ways OH but a lot of the 9M weren't deliberately bad or lazy, they were naive & they believed the lies they were told by their govt. They could see Gordo & his oiks living on credit & they thought that was the way to go. They are to be pitied, but for the remainder, who sat on their lardasses reckoning the world owed them a living - the music's changed now so - eat shit & die!

JD said...

I heartily agree!

Billy Blofeld said...

Beautiful work....

Jim_Watford said...

Cunts, the lot of them.

Jim_Watford said...

These bastards banging on about losing child credit really piss me off, thanks to them many families in Iraq and Afghanistan have no children, they were killed in Labours wars.

They go about about Tory selfishness yet they were happy to vote for the murderous bastards as long as their benefit cheques kept coming.

Billy Blofeld said...

I never tire of reading this post...........

MobyPick said...

I showed my dad this and he said he wants to buy you a beer.

Fair play.

Moony said...

Holby seems to be mellowing with age.

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