Sunday, 24 August 2008

Children! Report your Parent's Eco-Crimes!

The Children of Npower Customers meeting to report their parents yesterday

My flabber is ghasted. I have just read a rather interesting little piece over at Spiked! that details where the latest menace from the Greens is going to come from. They are not happy that they have infiltrated every part of the social structure, they are not content that their presence is invasive in every part of our daily lives from recycling bins to organic curtains.

Oh no. They have a new Champion. In the classic Soviet style, the only power that can really stop these crimes is the one commiting the most.

Ladies, Gentlemen, Transgenders.
I give you NPOWER.
npower has created a new website encouraging kids to become ‘Climate Cops’, giving away diaries to ‘record climate crimes at home and in your community’ and to ‘encourage others to switch-off and conserve energy’. Children are instructed to email details of the ‘biggest climate crime’ to npower, which might send a team to ‘help you bust’ the perpetrators

Oh yes. NPower wants the details, names and addresses of the criminals in your childs house (and mind). It will send a team (!) to visit them and show them the error of their ways. The Corporation that currently produces VAST quantities of CO2 and vast profits for it's shareholders is showing the way to a corporate youth movement. Disciplined. Reporting back. Shopping their parents to the "company" for abuses.
I shall be writing them a letter to tell them that if I even suspect they have coerced a child to report my private behaviour or consumption of the "earths resources" (that Npower somehow think they own) then they can expect a ton of fucking coal to arrive in their offices, along with a lawyer, an officer of the Data Protection Register, the Police and any other body dedicated to my service.

So Npower. Your little scheme to produce child eco spies who will report on their parents is now in the bloggosphere. I am going to set up a similar scheme for Npower employees to report on YOUR affairs, your little secrets and your energy wastage. I will then invite every Npower shareholder and customer to view what YOU get up to, you facist little cunts.


Mark Wadsworth said...

"The Corporation that currently produces VAST quantities of CO2 and vast profits for it's shareholders"

Woah! Three basic mistakes there:
1. It's "its" not "it's" in that context.
2. The companies don't produce CO2 for the heck of it, they produce it to generate electricity for Johnny Consumer. And if I don't feel guilty about using electricity, why should they?
3. Profits are only vast because it's such a big company. If you split it up into dozens of smaller companies, would that be any better? Plus, the whole point of businesses is to make profits.

Agreed that they are total f***ing hypocrites, of course.

Old Holborn said...

A private company gets to tell our children what constitutes a crime

The same private company then gets to harvest a list of all the "criminals".

Let your imagination run free for a moment to see where this could lead us as a society.

Mac the Knife said...

Did you read about James Russel's little encomium? There's a lad who needs a cattle prod up his hog's eye and no mistake.

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Where the fuck is Shami Chakrabarti when you need her?

I've already written to npower - bunchacunts.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

20 July already!

ranter said...

I've already reported John Kettley fro this artilce in todays Mail on Sunday. He will pay for his eco-crime, he is a DENIER!!!!

Ian_QT said...

I posted about this at Devil's Kitchen a few weeks ago :-)

Mild Colonial Boy, Esq. said...

I wonder where the new Pavlik Morozov's statue will be built?

Old Holborn said...


God knows how I missed that. And you made a better job of it than me.

xelent said...

Old Holborn,

This is a classic mercantile trick... They wish to show govt that they are being tough on climate issues... Whilst in turn, shoring up their stake in this large and growing industry... Not to mention windfall taxes too...

I notice this website is likely to be used by teachers as a free resource... You know this was bound to happen once the greens couldnt shut up aout the morality of global warming..

electro-kevin said...

Our kids are being indoctrinated and used against us.

The cheapest and most environmentally friendly thing to do is not to breed, don'tchya see ? It spares you a lot of grizzling, expense and heartache too.

Not having kids in the first place will shut the grassing little fuckers up.

So I have two proposals:

Decide that it just ain't worth the candle anymore. Have the snip, snort cocaine, leave all your lights and heating on and go out and shag high class hookers every week with the money saved.

I've never met an environmentalist with a sense of humour or a big dick. Darwin theory will kick in at some point so it is just a matter of waiting.

Roger Thornhill said...

xelent nails it. All part of the Corporatist push (or is that putsch?).

Npower sucks up and gains the ear of government and influences regulation for its advantage and the smaller competitions' disadvantage.

Old Holborn said...

No, no

Npower are green

Old Holborn said...

Anybody's imagination run riot?

Let me see.

A company that sells speed cameras sets up a brand to "protect" children from speeding motorists. All names and registration numbers are noted and sent to "the company" by eager little "speed cops".

Data siezed by the Police. Prosecutions and child beating follow.

A "Health" company that wants to know how much you drink at home sets up a campaign for "booze cops" to monitor the empty bottles in your house. Alcohol units logged. Names and addresses follow.

Health company sells data to Social Services and NHS. Warnings and withdrawal of medical care and insurance follow. Child Protection Register reaches 1 million.

As we already live in an open prison with the guards watching us all day on CCTV, what better way than to get the little ones to feed back the whispers that go on in our cells?

Utter cunts.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Cheer up, OH, it keeps getting better!

Thud said...

an n power team visiting me would certainly brighten up an afternoon...well their burning vehicle would.

cj said...

Environment police, speaking of policing our private lives, have you seen this?

They’re at it again - The liberal paternalists are proposing to ban the display of tobacco in shops and are currently soliciting the opinion of their electorate. Banishing cigarettes will cost ordinary taxpayers more money, inconvenience thousands of consumers, and threaten the livelihoods of shopkeepers all over the UK.
I’m sick and tired of more of the same from Nanny - obsessed with dictating how people live their lives but brushing the big issues, like knife crime and recession, under the carpet. They’re planning to hide tobacco, and they are already policing alcohol, red meat, fatty foods, and salt to name a few.
I’m sick of seeing pubs closing down where I live. I’m sick of being made to feel guilty because I eat and drink as I please.
I’m sick of Nanny. How about you? Got Freedom?

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