Wednesday, 16 July 2008

Time to TOOL UP!

Yay! Hallelujah!
Let the revenge begin - with extra sugar

Home owners and “have-a go-heroes” have for the first time been given the legal right to defend themselves against burglars and muggers free from fear of prosecution.

In practice, householders are seldom prosecuted if they harm or even kill an intruder but the Act will give them greater legal protection .They will be able to use force against criminals who break into their homes or attack them in the street without worrying that "heat of the moment” misjudgements could see them brought before the courts. Under new laws police and prosecutors will have to assess a person’s actions based on the person’s situation "as they saw it at the time” even if in hindsight it could be seen as unreasonable.

For example, homeowners would be able stab or shoot a burglar if confronted or tackle them and use force to detain them until police arrive. Muggers could be legally punched and beaten in the street or have their own weapons used against them.

Top value. So, starting today, I am going to start using my pepper spray on the retinas of the insolent oiks. If I am threatened with a knife, I am going to perform anal surgery on the perpetrator, with his own knife, and god forbid, if anyone is wandering around on my landing at 3am, they can expect to meet the cold hard steel of Wehrauch HW57

I am also looking forward to kicking to death my first chav.


Rob Farrington said...

I'm fucking off to America soon, anyway. And anyone who shows up in my homestead without permission in the middle of the night is likely to get a round from an AK47 right between the eyes.

Not that burglars generally risk it in the Deep South, anyway. Burglaries, gun crime and murders occur more often in states where they have strict gun laws in order know, make everyone really, really safe.

killemallletgodsortemout said...

In France, I can buy a single barrel 12-bore pistol for next to fuck all - cheap.

I think I'll have one in every room. Any chav or shark-eyed, drugged-up cunt who ventures onto my drum gets it.

This may upset a few of you but fuck it, "Vive la France".

Old Holborn said...

Quite right too.

Call me old fashioned, but my home is my fucking castle.

So expect boiling oil on your bastard heads if you come calling unannounced. That includes Jehovahs, baby kissing councillors and Amyway Salespersons.

leg-iron said...

Well, it's not really for the first time. As with teachers and powers of confiscation, they're just giving back, piecemeal, what they took from us in the first place.

While I'm here, however, I might point out that those handheld crossbows are not, so far, banned. Don't buy a cheap one, the trigger pull is too hard so it kicks to the side when it fires. (Ahem) or so I'm told.

And there's that old standby, the catapult. The new ones that fire ball bearings are impressive.

Both have the advantage of silence, so they won't wake the neighbours, and won't alert accomplices either.

And you can practice in the garage. But put up some boards because they'll go through the garage door.

So I'm told.

leg-iron said...

Just realised - all crossbows are handheld - whoops. The full size ones are not suited to indoor use (if you catch the doorframe when you fire it'll break your wrist).

I meant these:

Tom Paine said...

What sloppy reporting in the linked article though. "have for the first time been given the right"

Tosh! The expression "An Englishman's home is his castle" came from a legal case in which the judge acquitted a tenant of murder after he shot his landlord who had entered without his permission.

The government has decided to win some votes by giving back to you the rights which it previously took from you.

Rights are not "given" by government chaps. They are yours by right of existence and those few you currently enjoy are merely what remains after everything government has taken away. Please don't spoil this splendid blog by lowering yourself to be grateful when a thief returns some of your property.

Tomrat said...


Agree with you wholeheartedly - this government has slowly been shifting the goal posts to a more Napoleonic system of justice where things are illegal until they say otherwise; the English tradition used to be that things were legal until prosribed by government. This is an important point that we as libertarians should be making in such discussions - it is the oil that greases the transition to the EU superstate.

On a personal note I feel sorry for the person who tries to rob my home; they will be on the receiving end of a Kali stick.

But I didn't need no government wooden top to tell me that it is ok.

Snowolf said...

Well Tom, that's the difference between British law and Eurolaw. We've had a system that understands anything is permissable as long as it isn't prohibited. European law tends to suggest that everything is prohibited unless allowed under law. I suppose with the primacy of Eurolaw all our old inferred rights have been swept away.

And yes, Leg-Iron, pistol crossbows are very good but I don't trust 'em, didn't do the Frogs much good at Agincourt. I'd rather go for a Klingon Bat'leth: (

You can mount it decoratively on the wall, and you'd look nails when you used it.

Old Holborn said...

Gentlemen, we concur.

I lived fro 12 years in Germany and finally blew a gasket at the sheer obedience of the average German. The motto in the UK used to be "everything is allowed unless it is forbidden". In Germany, everything is forbidden unless it is specifically allowed.

That includes: taking a bath after 10pm. Doing any outside work between 12 noon and 3pm. Washing your car on your drive. Having a bonfire etcetcetctectect.

I return here to find ZNL doing much the same.

In the UK, we grow hedges to stop people looking into our property. In Germany, they cut the hedges down so they can look out into everyone elses. God forbid, you shouldn't sweep the street outside your house. A man from the "OrdnungsAmt" will be round within hours (after a tip off from a neighbour) to fine you a few hundred Euros.

max the impaler said...

Sorry chaps but I don't think this is a license to 'tool up'. As the law stands you must kill the intruder to avoid a civil action for injury, and you must do it with your wife/girlfriends battery loaded dildo,or you will be in possession of an offensive weapon (see knife crime).Having a crossbow bolt sticking out of your arse has got to be good for some big damages.

Malcolm Stevas said...

Max the Impaler has it - let's not get carried away. A piddling bit of government PR designed to win over a few Daily Mail readers should not delude anyone. I mean, why are you all wittering on about bleedin' crossbows and catapults? I want back the Colt 1911 Series 70 I had 'til 1997, and a mag full of my own load: Speer 250gr hollow-point on top of 6.8gr of Unique... The blast alone would scare the shit out of any intruder milliseconds before the big slug removed it forcibly. And don't expect anything radical in the way of recovering lost rights if/when Dave's bunch of wets wins the GE, either.

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