Friday, 25 January 2008

Romulan Fagins


The Romulans are here en masse! It transpires that the have arrived avec plus enfants a la Fagin to basically fleece their hosts of anything that isn’t nailed down.

It was only a while ago that the entire country raised an eyebrow slightly and said “what the fuck?” when it was announced by those in power that in the spirit of humanity we would allow the closest living relatives to invade us. We now have hoards of Sinti and Romanies arriving as fast as a horse and cart can bring them from the fourth world hovels of Bucharest to sign on the dole, claim child benefit, receive council houses, buy stolen Mercs, pick our pockets, sell us Big Issue, plunder our cash machines, shop lift, thieve and generally beg their way to riches.

Ah, what joy. At least they are generally so stupid that you can spot them a mile away and put up the forcefields before they or their feral offspring venture within ten yards to sell you “gold ring” or lucky heather whilst picking your pocket.

Romulans are Eastern Europes answer to Nigerians. Avoid at all cost. You can spot the women because they all look like Grisley Adams and wear headscarves to keep the lice in. The men can be spotted wearing fashions from 20 years ago whilst driving brand new Mercedes with no socks on, smoking roll ups and never doing a days work. They will all have tattoos and a gold tooth. Even Bulgarians who never actually give birth themselves but steal other peoples babies hate them.

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